hmm

ever since i sat down and switched on my com awhile ago at 11pm.. i couldnt concentrate on what i was doing.. chatting online i wasnt paying attention.. browsing forums for the sake of my usual browsing and not even reading.. slot in my newly recieved via mail vcd tomb raider II but wasnt even watching (mighty error but im lazy to rephrase).. im not even paying attenting.. lol.. ok why did i buy that vcd? cos i got it off an auction for $1.. good bargains..

ok firstly.. i am very worried about my spendings.. the way i spend in 2005 is definately no healthy.. im rethinking on my side.. i am thinkin of settling all my debts first.. no more spending on anything now.. sigh.. i love toys and movies but ya gotta control.. sigh sigh.. and worst i gotta save from scratch.. i am pennyless and with all my doc visits and xrays.. its sad.. lol.. to my frens who i still owe money.. really sorry i’ll try to return it asap.. thanks for not pressing me.. but still i feel bad.. thanks a lot.. seriously..

chinese new yr is coming and im gonna use those red packet money to settle my debts too.. no renovation for my room yet.. perhaps the later half of 2006.. perhaps tts when i can do up my room and proudly invite my frens over.. i have a vision for what i would like already.. but its been delayed for quite come time.. oh when will that vision come true..

why am i sounding so depressed in this entry.. i myself do not noe.. im just typing what comes to my mind now.. im tired from sch work.. tired from the fustrations.. tired of my lecturers.. tired of my feet.. its tough having a sprained ankle.. worst if its super swollen.. damn it.. i seriously hate it and wish to lie in bed whole day.. life seems so fun if one can just do what they like.. i rather have a simple life by the beach and grow my own food.. no money no citylife no stress.. just me and my family.. that would be so sweet..

i just hope my t2c to go well.. many of my frens were spoken too about being retained.. though i was lucky enough not to be spoken with.. i am still worried about the fact.. not that i’ve not been working hard.. i am.. but things just dun turn out right.. shit happens for me all the time.. u might say i am pushing blames onto others.. i might be.. but i know myself best and if u think of it that way it is your problem.. i cant change what u think of me.. so ya.. what gives..

what happens when there are 2 parties at fault but only 1 side is so called the bad guy.. nobody bothers about the other party.. so called the angelic party.. ‘you were in the wrong’ ‘you guys are so childish’ bla bla bla.. well.. shove that.. dont take it on the surface.. if u are doin so.. wake up and reflect those words at urself.. eat that ya.. lol.. yummy? i think so.. enjoy ur meal.. well.. maybe some would not understand what am i saying.. if u do.. good for u.. if u dun.. dun fret.. its nth big.. its just about a person handling private matters with office power.. still dun get it? its abusing of power to handle private matters.. i miss my carefree life.. its been a prison for nearly 2 years already.. sigh.. well just 1 more yr.. if i have that is.. haha..

tammie is alwaes in her sweet sweet world.. sometimes when she pours her problems onto me.. somehow if i had half her problems i would be glad.. im just so envious of her.. tammie is one girl who has been rejecting guys for a long time.. i do mean very long time.. until now she found her guy.. im really glad for her.. congrats and cherish.. becos i noe very well the next relationship i go into.. i will cherish it a lot.. and when i mean a lot.. i do mean a lot.. there is no such theory in me that says ‘one shld be dating more when one is young’ its just bull ok.. pure bull.. so ya.. lets wait for me angel to appear.. my frens are also pushing me but well some things cant be rushed.. again.. what gives?

i shall stop here.. im afraid its a very long entry.. congrats to those who made it to this point! *clap* so ya.. ur a gd reader! haha.. time to rest a sick mind..

outs

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