fustrated day

its been very fustrating for me yst and today. very tired even though ive slept like 12 hrs last night. what is wrong with me. so easily annoyed by little things around me. sigh.

you noe, ive been thinking of you these days. ya that you who is in jc now. that you who i was in love with. that you that i havent been contacting with now. that you that i was in the same sec sch with. until now if u think its you, i tell u its you.

i ask myself why ive been thinkin abt you. perhaps you are still someone i care for a lot. someone who i still worry about no matter whatever had happened. be it whatever happened in ur life or in my life this past yr, i gotta admit i still think of u every now and then. especially when i feel lost and weary. u are deeply engraved in my heart already and it seems no matter which girl comes along, i still compare her with you. sometimes i feel so envious of couples when i travel and it always reminds me of the time with you.

ive let u down on many occasions and i was very silly. michelle told me that clement has matured from what she knew in sec sch. i dunno if that is exactly true but i recalled u saying that i have somehow turned for the “naughty” way last yr. well, rest assured, clement hasnt been smoking, gambling, etc. of cos, me and u were like one last time but i dunno about now and it obviously isnt the case. im typin wad comes to mind now so i now its abit out of pt here and there but i hope u understand. everyday things always remind me of u, its like so many things around me have ur name written on it.

many regrets i have on my part and i dun think that u will allow me to make up. very silly of me always thinking time would revert back. i havent been contacting you not becos i hate u. but i think that there is no place for me in ur life already. they say if u love a person u will let her have the best. did i make the right choice? i will never know unless u tell me. im not sure if u are a usual reader to my blog, maybe u r, maybe u aint but still if u read this i hope u r fine. many things happened in the past yr and i’ve onli been after 1 girl the this yr. 3 months ago i decided to let go of her.

i missed u so much. i missed u so much today. i still feel that u r the onli person who noes me so well to date. u noe me even better then my parents. have u changed? i wonder to myself all the time. people mature as they grow and i wonder how much have u changed. i recalled u used to tell me that i was the tree in ur life and u r the creeping plant on me. 3 emails from u in my email that i still keep. those last few mails we exchanged. looking back i seemed to only mention briefly about things. how is ur sch like? are u coping well? how are things in ur family? dun keep showing temper to ur parents ok.. give in to them sometimes.. and also ur backbone.. how is it already? improving? sigh.. so many questions so little answers.. i still feel that i have many things too say yet now i dunno what to say.. somehow i feel like dlting off this entry cos i think it serves no purpose at all..

i just miss u so much now.. i feel so useless.. i just got a feeling u will read this.. i dunno why but i noe u will read this.. its just the gut feeling i have and u noe that my gut feeling is quite accurate.. i hope it is accurate for now.. maybe i add on another time ba.. i just feel so tired from work and all.. looking fwd to holidaes.. i noe words prove nth but i think this is the best i can do now.. i’ll continue again another time.. its late and i just added u back onto my msn list.. maybe i will chat with u when i am online.. unless u changed ur msn without me knowing.. haha.. oh well..

outs..

miss ya so much
02 August 2002..

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